


Baramat

by kormantic



Category: Stargate Atlantis
Genre: Gen, M/M, Rodney and Teyla are bros, Teyla may also want to gently prank you, Teyla wants you to think about your legacy, comment fic too long for the comment box
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-09-14
Updated: 2019-09-14
Packaged: 2020-10-18 01:55:49
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,242
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20631182
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/kormantic/pseuds/kormantic
Summary: This is a bit of ridiculous suggested by the charming ArwenOak. They liked Superpowers enough to write a lengthy and excellent comment, and then I wrote something in response... that I then didn't actually post for over a year. And then it was too long to fit in the comment reply box. So here we are.Thank you Kindly to ArwenOak for inspiration, and Punk for beta and for being generally gracious and amazing. (I added that coda you suggested... I hope you like it!)Oh, and Vefin was the planet they visit in my story Paper Moon, so I guess you could characterize this as more of a sequel to that one than to Superpowers...





	Baramat

**Author's Note:**

  * For [ArwenOak](https://archiveofourown.org/users/ArwenOak/gifts).
  * Inspired by [Superpowers](https://archiveofourown.org/works/3390) by [Pares (kormantic)](https://archiveofourown.org/users/kormantic/pseuds/Pares), [Punk](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Punk/pseuds/Punk). 

“Welcome to the Baramat. It is our custom to greet new guests as so.” Kiki or whatever (he was going with Kiki - she seemed very enthusiastic about pretty much everything) gestured to a long receiving line, men on one side of the long wooden gate and women across from them. With an expression that was suspiciously amused, Teyla urged Rodney forward ahead of her.  
  
“I have been many times among the People here. This ceremony is only for those first meeting them.”  
  
“So is this more of a polite bowing thing, or is this a handshake town?”  
  
“They will guide you,” Teyla replied, now openly smiling.  
  
Rodney stepped toward the woman at the head of her line, and tried to convey extensive suavity by nodding regally.  
  
“We bid you welcome, Rodney of Atlantis,” said the woman warmly. “I am Bringing Joy, the leader of the People. Teyla has long been our friend, and she told us that your society may find our greetings strange. We will each offer you a press of lips, our mouth to your mouth. If that is not done in your nation, or if one of us is wedded to only one, we may offer you a gentle hand instead, as so.” And she conveyed a gesture that seemed vaguely like a fistbump.  
  
Every woman in the line looked to be at least in their early 20s, and as any one of them could have taken home a sash at a beauty contest, Rodney leaned forward and debated pursing his lips.  
  
Bringing Joy gave him a chaste but pleasant kiss. She smelled very nice, too.  
  
He was handed off to the next woman, and the next. Every kiss was as sweet as an apple. He joined a woman who looked to be his own age, olive skinned and eyes a golden brown. Rodney gave her what he hoped was a friendly smile and she ducked her head. Smiling shyly, she offered him a fistbump, instead.  
  
“Welcome, child of Atlantis. I am honored to meet you. I am wedded to only one, and would _gepgar_ instead.”  
  
“Oh. Sure. I mean, of course. Let’s _gepgar_ away, by all means.” They bumped knuckles affably and two other ladies at on his way down the (impressively long-they really pulled out the stops on Baramat) line also touched hands with him. Then the last woman led him to the head of the men’s line and Rodney presented himself and as he was about to gamely offer up a nice, manly _gepgar_, the first man, Sings Loudly, leaned to place his lips to Rodney’s. Rodney froze - he didn’t know if he’d offend anyone by not accepting a man’s kiss after demonstrably leading with a decided smooch preference on the woman’s side, so he accepted dutifully. As on the woman’s line, three men gave him fistbumps rather than kisses.  
  
Finally, as he reached the end of the kissing gauntlet, Teyla and Bringing Joy met him again, each taking his arm and cheerfully conducting him to a hall for dinner.  
  
“You enjoyed that, didn’t you,” Rodney whispered at Teyla, trying to work up a glare.  
  
Teyla tipped her head and smiled.  
  
“Did you not?”  
  
Rodney gave her a shrug. The men of the Baramat were either naturally hairless or had magic razors, because he’d not noticed a single stubbly chin.  
  
Besides, kisses were kisses, and their aftershave was nice. Rodney made a note to ask Teyla if it would be rude to ask for some before they left.  
  
“You are our guest,” smiled Bringing Joy, indicating an assortment of furniture. A pretty large assortment, actually. It could have been an Ethan Allen closeout sale. Or a warehouse. There were tens of chairs, loveseats and three- and four-seated benches, all in a flimsy looking pink material that reminded Rodney of plastic lawnchairs.  
  
“Is this a test of some kind?” He muttered to Teyla. “Do I get a limb chopped off if I choose unwisely?”  
  
“You may choose any seat that pleases you,” Teyla assured him.  
  
“OK then, I’ll just take... this one here.” And he grabbed at the one nearest to him, hoping to get this trial over with. It happened to be a roomy three seater that was as light as a paper airplane. Rodney gamely ferried it up to the vast table and waited for someone else to choose a chair before he risked sitting down. He eyed all the other guests as they settled at the table and when they started to take their seats, he glanced at Teyla, who nodded, and cautiously lowered himself onto the spindly bench.  
  
It was reassuringly solid and surprisingly comfortable.  
  
He wondered if there were so many chairs because he’d be expected to take his home, like a party favor. Should the opportunity arise, he’d like a chance to run some tests on the materials.  
  
It was a pretty nice spread: roasted birds, steak-like cuts of some brand of mammal (probably), and platters of baked fish served with a sauce that had the tang of pomegranate, but was instead a vivid blue.  
  
All around him, people were in couples and fews, with a scattering of single chairs, and several with empty seats. People were still milling around, or arriving late, and a woman dropped onto his bench beside him, and grinned a bit breathlessly.  
  
“I apologize for my arrival—I confess that I’m surprised I’m here before Sees the Skies. She’s probably still at the Study. I am honored to meet you, _hellik_. I am Climbs the Hill. But many call me Hilly.”  
  
She certainly was, Rodney thought, trying not to ogle her voluptuous figure and frankly outstanding cleavage too obviously. She reminded him of someone... oh! Deanna Troi! In a vaguely Roman type of wrapped dress thing.  
  
Hilly was affable and extremely chatty, but as she was describing an experiment she was conducting with directed sound waves and what sounded like naquadria, Rodney was content to let her talk while he munched on some fried stalks of grass and some small translucent berries that tasted like strawberry ice cream.  
  
There was a flurry of activity at the doorway and a woman with a long glossy braid and dark skin trundled toward them, hampered by a huge puffy skirt. She sank into the seat next to Climbs the Hill and sighed, waving a hand at her sweaty neck, her puffy skirt deflating around her like a landed parachute.  
  
Climbs the Hill made a soft sound of surprise, and elbowed her seatmate companionably.  
  
“You dressed up!” Hilly burbled, giggling behind her hand. “I haven’t seen you in a _fice_ in three seasons.”  
  
“Clamp it, Hilly,” the other woman snipped, and her skin was too dark for Rodney to really tell, but she still gave him the impression that she was blushing. “I only wished to make a good impression.” She nodded at Rodney and reached across Hilly to hold out both her hands to him.  
  
“Apologies, Hilly has not introduced us because she is very rude. She’s lucky she’s pretty. I am Sees the Skies. I am told you are a child of Atlantis. Would you be willing to translate some texts for me?”  
  
“Yes, _I’m_ the rude one,” sighed Hilly.  
  
Rodney blinked at them, bewildered and a little charmed despite himself. He hadn’t ever really seen a Pegasus colony this... casual before. After that first formal ceremony, they really let their hair down.  
  
“I’m more on the mechanical engineering side of language, so I’m not sure I’d have the um, nuance you might need. If you let me scan them, I can share them with the soft science stooges—that is, our most esteemed language experts on Atlantis.”  
  
Sees the Skies literally clapped with joy. Huh.  
  
“I had high hopes for you, _hellik_. I knew you would not disappoint me!”  
  
“She’s the optimistic one,” Hilly confided. “I do admit you’re much nicer than Teyla had led me to believe.”  
  
Rodney may have harrumphed. Teyla, that traitor, setting the locals against him!  
  
“Oh, don’t look like that, my _kish_, she only said you were a bit prickly to begin with, but very worth getting to know,” said Hilly, chucking him under the chin.  
  
Somewhat mollified, Rodney tipped his head in acknowledgment of his finer qualities.  
  
“We hadn’t dared to hope that you were searching for a couple, though,” Sees the Skies added sincerely. “Do you enjoy a woman’s bed?”  
  
“Um. Yes...?” Rodney cautioned. These two seemed refreshingly straightforward about their intent, but Rodney had been burned before, and who knew what kind of taboos laced through the lives of these aliens? It was a pretty green field full of unseen gopher holes. One false step and it was metal pins in your ankles for sure.  
  
“We are looking for another,” Sees the Skies confided. “Hilly dearly wants a little one, and I do like your nose. It’s so very _pointy_,” she sighed rhapsodically.  
  
“And your hind end is so shapely for a man,” Hilly said. “We would likely have exceedingly pretty children, don’t you think, Skies?”  
  
Sees the Skies nodded gravely, and gave him a rather clinical once over.  
  
“Your fine figure and depthless dark eyes,” said Skies dreamily. “His lovely features and graceful hands. Such a dashing profile! And the two of you would surely have a clever child. Her brilliance would at least match yours, if not outshine it,” Skies continued in a considering way.  
  
“Rodney of Atlantis, would you be our beloved and give us children?” Hilly looked serious for the first time since he’d met her.  
  
He was surprised that he had such a ready answer, but he tried let them down gently.  
  
“Excellent Women, wise and scientific scholars of Baramat,” and sure, maybe he was laying it on just a bit thick, but needs must. And Rodney felt a very real pang at the admission, but soldiered on. As John would have, in his place. “I cannot give you children,” he said swallowing hard. “My life is not my own, and. And I wouldn’t be able to stay and watch the child... grow. You know what I’m getting at, right? I mean. Please don’t kill me,” Rodney finished awkwardly.  
  
They shared a look and Hilly sighed a little.  
  
“We appreciate your gracious honesty,” Hilly said, resting her hand on his.  
  
“Yes, thank you for considering our proposal.” Sees the Skies bit her lip and then asked, “You are a friend to Ronon Dex, yes?”  
  
“Um. Technically?” He could see that they looked worried, so he added hastily, “Yes. Absolutely. We’re like brothers. It’s sort of a requirement, after you comb the galaxy looking for them and then heal their visible scars.”  
  
They nodded in tandem. Hilly’s hand tightened on his, and she leaned forward.  
  
“We are told he is very strong and beautiful, with great tactical skill.”  
  
“That he was trained as a mechanical engineer on Sateda, that he is resilient and capable, and also very tall,” added Sees the Skies.  
  
“I was told his arms ripple with muscle and that his shoulders are as wide as the sea.”  
  
“I can confirm the, ah, tallness thing. And yes, fine, he’s objectively good looking,” Rodney answered.  
  
“Is his smile as rare and bright as the third moon?”  
  
“Okay, okay, he’s _very_ good looking. But how did you know that? Is _TeenBeat_ a thing in the Pegasus Galaxy?”  
  
“We have been looking for a partner, as we told you, and Teyla speaks highly of him,” said Skies.  
  
“Sounds like it. Huh.”  
  
“She was on her second cup of Endann wine when she said it,” Hilly added with a sly grin. She and Skies giggled appealingly and Rodney felt unaccountably snubbed. After all, they had asked him to father their child _first_.  
  
“Do you think he would wish to have children?” Skies asked earnestly.  
  
“Maybe? You’d really have to, you know, ask him yourselves.”  
  
“Of course,” Hilly nodded. “Thank you again for taking a meal with us, and entertaining our request.”  
  
They stood and Skies took Hilly’s hand and they bowed together.  
  
“We look forward to meeting you again. Look for us at the gate, I’d like to send you home with some tokens of our appreciation for you and your friends.”  
  
Rodney stood and sketched a bow in return. He fervently hoped it wouldn’t be a fruit basket. Or sex toys. That seemed like something they’d do.  
  
*  
  
Both Climbs the Hill and Sees the Skies were there to send him off, each kissing his cheek and embracing him. There was indeed the inevitable basket of produce, but it was made out of the same nifty material as the chairs, and also stocked with paper cones of those tasty fried grass stalks and jars of their weird soupy cheese, and assorted bottles of various sizes.  
  
Because of the language barrier, he couldn’t read the labels, but as they walked back on the narrow trail that led toward the gate, Teyla told him the small round ones were perfume, and the large cylindrical ones were wine.  
  
“Wine, huh?”  
  
“Yes, ” Teyla said. “It is a very fine vintage they call Endann.”  
  
“Oh, really? Then one bottle must be yours,” he said graciously. “Let’s give the other one to Ronon, shall we?”  
  
Teyla narrowed her eyes. “That is very thoughtful of you, Rodney.”  
  
“Well, I’m a thoughtful guy,” Rodney said, waving his hand. “So thoughtful that I know a setup when I see one.”  
  
Teyla gave him an open, innocent smile.  
  
“Did you not enjoy the company of two such lovely and accomplished women? They are both engineers,” she added. “And you speak often of your legacy. What better legacy than children?”  
  
“Shit. You were- you really _were_ setting me up!”  
  
“Yes,” Teyla said with a puzzled look.  
  
“Oh. I thought. I thought you were making fun of me.”  
  
Teyla grinned archly.  
  
“That may have been a pleasant side effect solely for my own benefit, I will not deny it.”  
  
“Well. It was. Sort of nice actually,” Rodney admitted. “But I'm not cut out for polyamory. It’s hard enough paying attention to one person at a time.”  
  
“If that is so, then why did you choose a three seated bench?”  
  
“Oh, I don’t know, maybe because my friend didn’t offer to coach me on the fact that dinner would be a singles mixer and that the locals like to swing? So really, it was a swingles mixer,” Rodney mused. “Admit it, you hoped I’d pull a bench.”  
  
“Yes. I’ve had Climbs the Hill and Sees the Skies in mind for you for some time. If you had not chosen as you did, I would have ‘coached’ you, as you say, to select that one specifically.”  
  
“You’re an evil genius!” Rodney said admiringly.  
  
Teyla’s ringing laughter followed him through the gate.

__

__

*

John was lounging on the stairs, leaned back on his elbows, when they crossed the threshold back to the embarkation room. Ronon was hunkered down beside him, looking significantly less comfortable, but otherwise focused on a small hand held game that looked to be a classic LCD screen version of Tetris.  
  
"How was your trip?" John looked politely interested, but then craned his neck to see Ronon's score.  
  
"Very... friendly," Rodney decided.  
  
"The Baramat are well known for their hospitality," said Teyla, giving Rodney a sly tilt of her head.  
  
Ronon looked up from his game.  
  
“Does that mean there’s a gift basket?”   
  
Teyla nodded and held up the basket for his approval, and handed it to him, retrieving a cone of fried grass for herself.  
  
John also looked up, but with a crinkled brow.  
  
“What kind of hospitality are we talking about? The ‘we absolutely insist you stay for dinner’ kind, or more like ‘we absolutely want to keep you in our prison for the rest of your stay’ kind?”  
  
“More like, ‘we’re gorgeous bisexuals and we want to have your children’, I think.”  
  
John’s eyebrows did a bankshot against his ridiculous hairline, and the expression he landed on did not look pleased.  
  
“Were they collecting…” John cleared his throat awkwardly, “Uh. Genetic samples?”  
  
“My understanding was that it was more of a ‘classic’ conception. You know, when a man and a woman and her wedded wife love each other very, very much, etcetera…” Rodney said with a wave of his hand.  
  
John’s eyes widened and he went very still.  
  
“Jesus, did you get _married_?”  
  
“Don’t be stupid. I’m not a mail order bride! I was just gently… seduced? I’m really not sure what the term is when you don’t actually get to bed.” He gave an expectant look to Teyla.  
  
“Approached,” Teyla suggested.  
  
“Yes, approached. By two amazingly good looking women. Who wanted me for my body. And, yes, they were keen on obtaining genetic… material.” Rodney felt his cheeks heat a little.  
  
John looked like he was never letting Rodney through the gate again.  
  
“That wasn’t even the weirdest part!" Rodney insisted. "They have a reception line/kissing booth sort of thing for greeting new visitors! I must have kissed thirty people!”  
  
“Thirty people,” John said pissily. He full-on glared at Teyla. “Did you take him to some kind of… _pleasure planet_ or something?”  
  
Teyla’s gentle smile melted away, and she locked eyes with John.  
  
“Rodney accompanied me on a diplomatic visit with trading partners who have long welcomed the people of Athos. Many Baramat practice what Rodney terms ‘polyamory’, but they are not to be disrespected or thought less of for not observing your own customs.”  
  
John paled a little and held out his hands.  
  
“Whoa, whoa, that was not what I meant!”  
  
“Yeah, he meant the fleshpots of Dvim,” added Ronon. Rodney stared at him. “Money for sex,” Ronon clarified.  
  
“Yes, thank you. The context was clear,” Rodney said faintly.  
  
Now Teyla frowned at John _and_ Ronon.  
  
“The two of you would also dismiss the dignity of sex work?”  
  
Both of them wore frozen, guilty “oh shit” faces.  
  
Rodney began to back away quietly, but was saved the attempt at stealth by Teyla wrenching back the basket she’d handed Ronon and striding away.  
  
“You honestly thought _Teyla_ would bring me to the equivalent of an interstellar strip club?”  
  
“Well. No. But. You remember Vefin, right?”  
  
Rodney felt his face turn up the heat and gave a kind of full bodied flinch. Surprisingly, John blushed, too.  
  
“Yeah…” Rodney admitted.  
  
Ronon perked his eyebrows. “They have strippers on Vefin?”  
  
“No!” John shot back.  
  
“Kind of?”  
  
John shook his head. He stood up and scrubbed his hands through his hair and sighed.  
  
“Anyway, if it’s action you’re looking for Hilly and Skies are looking for a third,” Rodney said, addressing Ronon. “Teyla apparently spoke very highly of you. After a few glasses of wine,” he added meaningfully. “By which I’m saying, go apologize to Teyla for your cultural insensitivity and see if she’ll share her bottle of Endann with you. Oh, and see if you can get some of that aftershave!”  
  
“Aftershave?” John echoed, as Ronon loped away.  
  
“Yes, the men smell… really very nice on Baramat.”  
  
“How…”  
  
Rodney coughed slightly and said, “The receiving line was also bisexual?”  
  
“So you’re saying… you kissed fifteen guys today?”  
  
“More or less,” Rodney hedged.  
  
John moved closer. Close enough to smell. His aftershave made Rodney think of the ocean and the woods and the rasp of smoke. It was... also very nice. John smirked a little and said softly, “Care to come back to mine and make it sixteen?”  
  
END

**Author's Note:**

> This is a bit of ridiculous suggested by the charming ArwenOak. They liked Superpowers enough to write a lengthy and excellent comment, and then I wrote something in response... that I then didn't actually post for over a year. And then it was too long to fit in the comment reply box. So here we are. 
> 
> Thank you Kindly to ArwenOak for inspiration, and Punk for beta and for being generally gracious and amazing. (I added that coda you suggested... I hope you like it!)
> 
> Oh, and Vefin was the planet they visit in my story Paper Moon, so I guess you could characterize this as more of a sequel to that one than to Superpowers...


End file.
